Looking back...

Today is Tuesday--October 16th. We went to the doctors last Thursday and it was our best appointment by far! Both Dr. U and Dr. B were very pleased that we were in Week 29 and counting. We even discussed our next options which included one more round of steroid shots when we hit week 32, when they would be removing the cerclage and when Miller may come into this world! All of this has made my head spin, my heart race and the rest of my body is experience chills. This is all good though it may not sound like it.


Don't get me wrong, I am more than excited that Miller is on his way---but at the same time, I am sad and torn from the past when I look back. I remember when I was in the hospital that a good friend told me that I will be having these emotions the closer to the birth of Miller. I have found that going forward is proving to be just as hard as it is looking back.


I know that we are not supposed to live in the past but rather learn from it and move on. Why does it feel like moving on alienates my other son, Lawton? Don't get me wrong--but I know that we have overcome so many obstacles and have been witness to so many miracles throughout this whole situation--but it just hurts that I won't get to hold both of my sons in the end! I realized that I just need to pray hard to find peace and comfort in knowing that this has all been God's plan. I have been at that peaceful place before---and I can find it again.

So, tomorrow--12 weeks ago--seems like an eternity and/or a whole different life. But, we have made so much great progress that it still seems to baffle me. Week 30!! We are in week 30! We have definitely won our Championship game but there is still a few more minutes left of the clock--so we will need to just keep racking up the points.

Maybe I feel like a bad sportsman because I am wanting to ramp up the score--but about 11 weeks and 5 days ago--Matt and I decided that we were in this to "win it" and give Miller the best life possible as his brother would have wanted it to be! We are definitely going to do it--though for some reason these next few weeks (7 weeks) seems like they are going to be the hardest. I have to keep telling myself that we have made it this far-so what is another 7 more weeks?? (However, tell yourself that while still trying to be a good patient and stay on bedrest.) So much to do in the next 7 weeks before he gets here.....need to get organized! Do you realize how much 1 baby requires---lots of clothes, burp clothes, diapers, etc... It is mind boggling!

However, through all of this mind boggling things and while looking back---Matt and I continue to realize that we are blessed to be in this situation and have one very special baby soon-to-be with us on earth and another special angel who is already in Heaven! He has been the greatest inspiration and cheerleader to Matt, Miller and myself! Go Team MM!

Wow--week 30 AND 2 days already! God's amazing work!

Peace and Love to you all--
Dana, Matt and MM