What if....

They say you can't live your life on "what if's" but it doesn't make it any easier. I don't care what has happened in your lifetime and how long it has been, you will always remember the day that you lost your child. Not everyone can understand what I am feeling but for those that do, I understand the pain. Right when you think you have accepted it and that "things are easier" now that they really aren't. Each year, at the same day/time/moment you realize when your life was drastically changed that only a few women can understand. Not that I am minimizing the feelings of the father but it's different. It's different because only I understand what it felt like to be kicked by both Lawton and Miller. The feeling of them rolling in my stomach, the feeling that they were hitting each other and sharing "feelings" and touches in utero. Does Miller remember his brother? I honestly think he does. THe other day it was thundering and threatening to rain. We were outside and he was enjoying it until the thunder was really loud...and he got scared. I tried to reassure himn that it was ok and I said that it was Lawton playing with God and was being pulled around in his new wagon--and Miller looked up and pointed---and said "baby". He was so right on and it was so amazing to know that he still felt the love and touch of his brother.

So does it get easier after the loss of one baby only to be survived by an incredible child? No.....the loss of a child will always be the death of a child. We just have to learn that there with much pain means that there is still love for both our children...the one here on earth and the child in heaven. That with each "anniversary" comes reflection of life and love...and that our love grows towards each other with every moment experienced and our sweet baby Miracle Miller. I love you Baby Lawton and remember the special moments that we had together.

Miller's First Baseball Game

It was TX vs OU for Miller's first baseball game and it was awesome! He loved the crowd and was yelling as loud as he could to join in the games festivities. Pretty funny watching him react to the cheers and yelling by the others in the crowd. He was eating Dana and I out of pocket as he loved his first corndog as well...

Mr. Miller you are pretty awesome. This picture was taken by Mom just outside the Disch-Falk Field on April 19, 2009...

Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Birthday Miller!

Make a Smilebox greeting

Time flies....

...when you are having fun and little sleep! Well, the fun part is the most accurate part of that statement. Sleep has been great now and fairly consistent. He is amazing and full of love.

Sorry that we have not written on this blog since March---but we have been all rather busy figuring each other out. I honestly think that Miller is smarter than Matt and I together. He has us so wrapped around his little finger and knows it.

Let's see---here are some "stats" about Miracle Miller---he is a little over 9 1/2 months. He is around 20 pounds but that is us figuring it out on our scale at home. He will go to Dr. Mirrop right before he turns 10 months. I am dreading this appointment because I know that it is a "bigger appointment" since he gets a huge series of shots. The question that we are faced is that do we let him get his shots all at one time OR do we divide the shots up. I believe it is the MMR shot that some are saying that leads to autism in children. Then again--there are always 2 sides to the story. So here we are, doing tons of research to see what the "right thing" to do will be for us. Yes, everyone has their own views about this subject--so if you would like to share anything with us, then please do.

Oh--2 weeks ago--Miller decided that it was his time to start crawling. Well, we call it crawling but I think it is more of the miltary crawling thing. It is funny to watch--but at the same time scary knowing that our boy is about to get really mobile. Here is a video of him crawling on the first day.....notice that we have moved all of big furniture out of our living room. I never understood why people with children had nothing in their living room but now I completely understand...better safe than sorry.

Miller has finally added 2 teeth to his wonderful smile--and believe it or not, he is even cuter! Spoken like a very proud parent! :) Actually, Miller's timing, as always, is impeccable because he decided to get his first tooth in when his daddy had ACL reconstruction on his knee! Fun weekend! Actually, it has been a fun month with a teething baby and a husband on vicodin! We have finally cojme out of this fun fog with a husband with a new knee, able to help more AND a very cute and happy baby. No complaints here!

So, I am not sure what is in store for us in the very near future but all is doing great in the DeLo household. We still can't believe that in a little over 2 months that Miller is going to be 1 year old. Time definitely flies by when you are having an amazing life.

Oh---Miller's new best friends were born in the past few weeks. Jake Long was born to David and Julie Long on the first home UT football game day. A true longhorn!!! I wasn't surprised since his parents are huge longhorns too. Next, Nicholas McGuire was born this past Tuesday. All mothers,fathers and babies are doing great! Miller just can't wait for the boys to get big enough so he can play with them. I bet he may even try to teach them a few things too!

Peace and Love to you all!

The DeLo's

Back by Popular Demand

Yes, we are back on the blog. No, nothing bad has happened to any of us, but rather after finally getting out of the house after a long (read: VERY LONG) pregnancy we have heard many of you say that you kept up with us through our blog. Well, after thinking about it, I (Dana) realized that this was a great way of keeping in touch, detailing our experiences and more so, helping me keep my sanity. The blog has been very therapeutic for me and guess I am in need of more therapy! ha-ha!

Anyway, today is November 25 and it has been 4 months since Miller blessed us with his presence. As of this past Sunday, I like to say, Jesus has risen, Spring has sprung and I am finally coming out of the "new mommy" fog. Matt has been trying to shake his fog by playing more golf. I think it has been working for him too. :)

So, our sweet boy is 4 months. He has been here almost as long as I was ordered on bed rest. I definitely would take these past 4 months than those long, boring ones on my couch, watching the world drive, walk, run by our house. However, these past 4 months have flown by and are in no way like the previous 4 months that dragged on and on.

Miller has been so much fun and now he is finally showing us how much fun he has been having with us. He likes to laugh and smile at us. I honestly think he is happy because he is getting more sleep--about 7 to 10 hours a night--with a small "wake up" call after about 4 hours of going to bed. I am trying to get him to stop doing this but not sure how to do it just yet. Many of our friends say that he will sleep even harder (and not do the special "wakeup" call) after he starts eating more than just formula. He has a doctor's appointment on April 1st and we are hoping that the doctor will give us the "go ahead" for the rice cereal.

He weighs about 13 pounds and that is just my guess for now. He is eating alot and definitely does not look like a baby that was born early. He has caught up and he did it fast!! We love his little baby fat rolls but not sure how he likes for us to keep pinching/squeezing them but we can't help it!

All in all-these past 4 months have been the best ones of our lives--and definitely worth the other 4 where I watched the world go by. If ever asked to do it again, I would do it in a heartbeat! Once again, we are true believers in the power of prayer! We can't thank you enough for all of the prayers y'all said for us! We hold our miracle every day. Miller is incredible.

I hope that you are all are doing well! Peace and Love to you all!

Dana, Matt and Miracle Miller

After a Miraculous Comeback...Team Miller Wins!!!

Team Miller has officially won the BIG game and is now currently celebrating this special victory with lots of partying all hours of the night, drinking lots of milk, and definitely lots of dirty diapers!

As of Sunday, November 25th at 6:06am--the game officially ended and the celebration started! Miller was born and he weighed in at a hefty 5 pounds/13 ounces and 18 inches long! At the time he was born, he was 35 weeks and 6 days. Now, he is officially 1 week old and doing incredible!!

Mommy and Daddy are doing wonderful too! Just enjoying this big win and celebrating all hours of the night with Miller. Tired but so deliriously happy because Miller is a wonderful baby! Even the nurses at Seton would comment what a good baby he was especially for being a "near term" baby! He is very alert, on a schedule already and is exactly like his daddy! Everyone is thankful that he is so good--which is an extra blessing!

Currently, the whole family is at home now and have been here since Wednesday afternoon. We have already had to go to the peditricians office on Thursday to make sure he wasn't dropping too much weight--and he was good at 5 pounds and 4 ounces. Another doctor's visit is set for Monday! (Mommy gets one too so that they can check on the hernia surgery because we never got a chance to go see the doctor 1 week postop due to being in the hospital.)

Lastly--MVP for the BIG game was voted on being Lawton DeLorenzo. Without his strength, and love for his family---this big game win would never have been possible!!

A special thank you to Team Miller's special "coaches" including all of the brilliant doctors, nurses, family and friends! We truly believe in Miracles because we have one at home with us!

Mommy and Daddy have to go because Miller is "calling" us to help him continue the celebration! Mommy gets to bring the milk this time! Also, Mommy and Daddy are going to end this blog now and start a new one because this is now the beginning of a new game called "life". Praise God! With God, all things are possible!

Peace and Love to you all!!

Dana, Matt and Miracle Miller

My what??

Ok....I obviously spoke too soon last Friday when I said that it was our "quiet time" and we were enjoying listening to the bliss of the stillness of the household as well as enjoying a "normal pregnancy" finally! This changed a little as of this past Monday. No, no worries....Miller is not here yet!


On Monday--Week 35/Day 1, we went to go in for our normal OB doctor's visit. It has been nice to have "normal" check-ups because this pregnancy has been far from normal! MM was looking great and they did a quick check on size and they thought he was approaching 6 pounds! They say it is hard to tell when you do growth checks so close together--so not sure how much I believe that he is a 6 pounder already. Then again, it is hard for us to believe that we are even at this stage when 15 weeks ago--we were just trying to get to week 24, 28, 30 and then week 32.

Anyway--after the OB doctor, we had to visit another doctor because my belly button didn't look quite normal---like other prego women have. Dr. U wanted me to be safe than sorry thus he wanted me to get it checked out by a general surgeon. Our doctor's appointment was immediately following the OB one. By 9am---Matt and I had learned that we were suddenly scheduled for surgery later that afternoon to fix my umbilical hernia. My what????

Yes, to add yet another twist to this very unusual pregnancy---I had surgery on Monday at 2pm though waking up that morning we had no clue that surgery was even an option for that day. Our heads were spinning because so many things could have happen. The surgery was under general anesthesia so both MM and I slept through it. He came through it like a champ--though he did give us a little scare because his heartbeat got down to a 107. (His normal is from 140-160) So he did give us a scare---but once again, we realized that we have a special angel in Heaven, Lawton, and here on earth, Julie, who took care of us. Julie, our best friend and nurse practitioner, came in right at the exact moment when the nurses were trying to hunt down Dr. U to see what they should do. Julie quickly took control of the situation--made them turn me on my left side--thus giving MM more oxygenated blood (or something like that.) Anyway--MM quickly "woke up" for his Aunt Julie and his momma--thus putting our hearts and minds at ease.

So, once again, poor Matt, my parents and my brother were in the waiting room and praying that MM would not come during the surgery. While I was being wheeled in to surgery--I kept telling the doctors and nurses my baby's name so that they can address him by name and tell him to not come during surgery. They obviously took care of both of us! They were wonderful! My poor family----I have given them so many scares throughout this pregnancy that I will owe them for the rest of my life for making them worry about MM and me so much!

Now---it is Wednesday--the day before Thanksgiving. Yesterday was a very tough day for all of us because having stitches in your belly button is one thing--but having them when you are 20 pounds heavier and the pressure of a 6 pound baby kicking on them is a completely different story!!! OUCH is an understatement but I keep telling myself that it is preparing me for the REAL thing soon!

This surgery was a huge shock for us but even more so for MM. He keeps thinking that he is supposed to come for Thanksgiving! We held off labor last night and today---which is a huge relief! I guess it wouldn't be so bad if we did come now since he has hit the big milestones that he has needed to do so. But, we would rather have him "cook" a little while longer plus there is still about 10 more things that I just thought of that needs to be done!! (Nesting instinct I guess.)

Anyway--Happy Thanksgiving to you all!!! We promise to post once Miracle Miller gets here as well as email everyone that we can think of! However, hoping that we have one more post for next week prior to his arrival!

Love and Peace to you and your family!!
We love you! Dana, Matt and MM